If you have been following this series of articles you are probably wondering what is next? If you are struggling with porn addiction or are a wife that suspects (or has caught) your husband is addicted, what is the answer?
In my last article I talked about seeking out a group of men that are struggling in a similar fashion. Now this is going to require some transparency on your part. The only way you are going to find people that struggle with porn is admitting that you have/are struggling and you need help. Now I would not do this in front of the church on a Sunday morning, unless you have been this transparent to them before. I would invite someone who you suspects is struggling with porn over for dinner and just have a heart to heart conversation. This doesn’t sound very manly does it? This approach may not feel manly and this might be the first time you have ever had an intimate conversation with another man but this is where the healing begins.
Openness and honesty.
You will be surprised what happens when you take the initiative and confess your sin to one of your brother’s in Christ. In all my times of confession I have never encountered someone who laughed at, made light of, or was disgusted at my sin, even though I was sure that they would. You know why? Because we have all been there. Romans 3:23 says, “For ALL have sinned and fall short of the glory of God”. This verse becomes painfully clear in these moments of confession, openness, and honesty. This is where the healing of James 5:16 starts to take effect. You will be surprised at how great you feel after confessing a sin like this.
If your hunch is correct then your friend will probably confess his sin too. If he does not then just ask him: “Do you struggle with anything like this?” If he doesn’t then just ask for prayers from him as you are trying to seek help to healthy and move on to the next guy. This could take some time but if you don’t find someone right away don’t feel bad. Just your confessing your sin to others will to wonders in the healing process.
Once you have found someone or a group of people that share your addiction it is time for your first group.
If everyone doesn’t know each other go through and introduce yourselves. After introductions are made clearly state what this group is for: recovery from pornography addiction. Make it known that everyone is struggling with the same sin and wants to get better.
Telling Your Story
It is what it is. Tell your story about when you first started looking at porn. Tell about the times you were caught, by your parents or spouse, and how you felt. Tell about how you felt when the porn drew you back. Tell everything you can think about as to how porn has affected you up until the present.
Make sure everyone gets a turn and do this all in one session. Depending on your group this could take a couple hours so make sure your first group is scheduled with plenty of time. The normal group sessions will not be as lengthy so reassure everyone that it won’t be like this the other times.
Yes, you need to meet weekly. This might be difficult to fit into your schedule, but this will also test your seriousness of getting healthy. If it is important to you then you will make the time, that’s just the way we are. It’s okay to miss a group here and there but everyone should try to make it to everyone as even missing one week can mean the difference between continuing on the road to recovery and relapsing back into full blown addiction. We will talk more about this in the future.
Make a List of Questions
Homework for the group before your next meeting should be to make a list of questions that you want asked of you every week that you have to be honest in answering. Most people have 3-5 questions and they can be about anything. Fitness, parenting, marriage, Bible study, school. Just make sure your first one is something along the lines of: did you look at porn this week? or did you masturbate this week?
There are many more complexities and problems that can arise but this is a good start.
As always, if you have any questions please email me: Chris@wheniamweak.org.