She sits in her room trembling from the news she just received. “I watch some porn every now and again” her husband told her. She sat crying, unable to comprehend how her husband could do such a thing to her. She was distressed. She was angry. She was…accepting?
More and more I’ve been hearing the idea that watching pornography is just one of those things that guys do. I’ve even read some online forums where one woman will ask the question “is it wrong that my husband regularly watches porn?” only to receive responses like “no, it’s normal” or “all guys do it” from other wives! Porn has gone from taboo to accepted, and is certainly on its way to becoming mainstream. The worst part, Christian woman are beginning to accept this as reality too.
It saddens me to hear of Christian men who have porn addictions. It saddens me because I know the battle against pornography is so hard, especially once you’ve become deeply entrenched in it. I get even more disheartened when I’m told by the man “we don’t” when I ask him if he and his wife talk about his struggle.
For a lot of women the realization that their husband has an addiction to pornography is a death blow so emotionally crippling they’d rather sweep their emotions under the rug and never talk about the issue at all. When wives turn a blind eye to this issue, husbands continue to engage in the pornography and both parties begin to see it as “alright”. Wives, of the world please listen to me: your husband’s porn addiction is anything but “alright.”
Pornography addiction is disgusting. There are plenty of men who have gotten out of the addiction, and plenty of guys wishing they could break the addiction, that would tell you the same. Our biggest problem with pornography is silence. When we remain silent about the harmful effects of pornography, the addiction spreads. The same is true in marriages, even Christian ones. Wives, in a culture where your husband is being told that his porn habit is okay, you need to make sure that he knows it’s not. He needs to know that it’s wrong and disgusting. I’m not suggesting that you berate or belittle him, but you do need to make sure that you keep him accountable and honest. Help him see that it’s disgusting and that he needs to move on from it.
It saddens me when wives in the world treat their husbands porn addiction as if it’s no big deal, but I’m especially troubled when Christian wives (and yes they’re out there) do the same. Christian’s wives ought to be the loudest voice when talking about pornography because it’s not just disgusting, it’s sinful (Mt. 5:27-30). It may be easier to try and ignore your husband’s addiction, but at the end of the day you have to realize that he’s setting himself down a path towards hell. Pornography addiction is a tough practice to break. Your husband needs you. He needs to be reminded that it’s sinful; he needs you to keep him accountable. He needs you to keep him pure.
This is the first of a few articles I’m writing on how women should not react to their husband’s pornography addiction (the next post will be “Dear Wives, Your Husbands Porn Addiction is Not Your Fault”). I decided to write these articles because pornography is a real struggle that does real damage to marriages and families. As you read this there are women, Christian and non, struggling with fact that their husband has a porn addiction, and aren’t sure of what to do about it. I end this post with this advice.
Wives, your husband’s pornography addiction isn’t alright. It’s disgusting and sinful, but it can be overcome if you are willing to help him. Your husband doesn’t need you to deny his problem; he needs you to confront him and his sin. It’ll hurt, but the pain will be far worse if you allow him to continue in this practice.